Now what?! I am an introvert. I want to meet these people! I am terrified. They didn’t know about me, will they be mean?
The first step, have a phone conversation. I am also allergic to those! But, I really wanted to speak to someone. So I picked up the phone and called Joe, Rena Mae’s husband. I hit record on my phone because there was no way I would remember the conversation. I was too nervous and I have an ADHD memory.
What a guy! You could hear his love for her in his voice. At times his voice would quiver while he held back the tears. He loved her so. It was delightful to know she had that much love in her life. I wonder if she knew. I wonder if she felt his love and his kindness.
Joe shared the story about how they met. My dad was born in July 1949. Rena Mae and Joe met shortly after. They worked in the same retail store. She sold the cigarettes. He pretended to smoke and would buy cigarettes so he had the opportunity to talk to her. They started dating and he revealed that he didn’t smoke. The sweet laughter he belted out when he told that story. He must have told it a million times. It was the first for me and I loved it. It’s almost 2 years later and I still tear up thinking of his laugh and love for her. He missed her so.
He spoke about how their families didn’t necessarily approve of their love. He is Italian and grew up on Franklin Avenue in Hartford, CT. He went to Buckley High School. My mom’s dad, my papa, went to Buckley and graduated 10 years before Joe. My dad lived a block from Franklin Avenue on Maple Avenue for 20 years.
We talked a little bit about Hartford. About them moving around before landing in Enfield, CT where they lived and raised their girls.
He told me they had such a wonderful life and that he loved her so. It was such a delight to hear she was happy. That it was possible that giving up what turns out to be her only son didn’t hold her back, or it didn’t seem to, I don’t know what else. I was relieved. I also immediately felt bad for my dad. He doesn’t want to know about his birth family. He has three sisters. He has a whole bunch of nieces and nephews. He can meet the husband of his birth mom. He can know all about how she lived her life, only 20 minutes from where he grew up. He can wonder if they ever crossed paths. He can wonder if he ever worked with any of his family. He could hear how she was loved. He is still not interested and still upset.
I didn’t tell Joe that I didn’t have a relationship with my dad. I didn’t share with him how many times my dad broke my heart. I didn’t share that my dad probably didn’t know the names of my two amazing children. I only shared how wonderful his mother, my grandmother, was. How kind she was, what a wonderful human she was and how much I miss her. I shared with him how grateful I was to his wife for giving my dad to my grandma. He was grateful to hear he has a good life.
We both loved her. He knew her well. I carry her DNA.
Where Does That Red Hair Come From? 