Since my official diagnosis I have had so many emotions and heartache to figure out. I have listened to podcasts, watched Youtube video’s and joined a variety of groups on Facebook. I started a Facebook group. They all have helped me feel normal. They understand what I am going through, the science behind why my brain works differently than a neurotypical brain and tips/tricks on how to move forward. I haven’t found the right medication or all the right “tricks” yet. I’ve found some ‘tricks’ that have really worked (like hanging keys by the door). I am still struggling. I am still living many days in a brain fog. What isn’t helping is the barriers to care and the pandemic. Working on my mental health is a benefit as well.
Something I have been struggling with in my diagnosis is sharing it. Many people will say the typical, “we all do those things”. People try to explain away all the behavior and feelings. Things like, “it’s hard to have little kids and a full time job” and “of course you forget things, we all do” etc. It’s frustrating and part of what was keeping me from truly building the scaffolding I need to feel good about myself. I knew people didn’t struggle the way I do. Thankfully I have chosen a partner who helps. He understands and continues to learn about how to be helpful (we are on our second lists app) and he chooses to support my ADHD brain mishaps more often than not – I am frustrating. This pandemic has helped me slow down. I finally feel safe slowing down, which is very freeing, but I realize this can only happen when I feel supported.
After years, I am finally talking about it with others much more often. I was raised to whisper any diagnosis. I recently emailed a friend of the family, “I’m not sure if my mom told you, but I was diagnosed with ADHD-I a few years ago. This time alone has been harder than it should, but I am learning how to manage how my brain functions. I have been spending a bit more time forgiving myself and others for not realizing I had this neurodivergence. It’s really a hard thing in my 40’s to realize that so much of my ‘if I just applied myself” was impossible because of my brain. I am forgiving myself for saying that and trying so hard to move away from all of the negative thinking. Hard work and if anything positive could come from this disaster of a pandemic, it will be my mental health.” I hesitated to hit send, as she is from the whisper a diagnosis generation. But in the end, I did and it felt great. I don’t need to hide my brain. I am smart and I think differently than a neurotypical. 
Many ADHD symptom expressions happen to everyone, I know. But these happen for people with ADHD all the time. We also experience great shame in some of these categories. Listening is the one I feel the most shame around. It’s why I don’t call people on the phone. I have such a hard time remembering what we talk about, especially if I’m anxious about the call. I’m trying.
Where Does That Red Hair Come From? 