Yes, But…becomes Yes, And

When I first moved to New York City, I had just left behind a ‘life’ in Sarasota, Florida. That ‘life’ consisted of a job, a house, friends, my dogs, and my soon-to-be ex-husband. I came to NYC to be a camp director, after school program coordinator and family programs manager but most importantly, to move on from an extremely toxic relationship. That first job would end up providing me with so many lasting relationships. One colleague at this job and I stayed in touch over Facebook and LinkedIn over the years. She is a dancer, an actress, hilarious improvisator, an Insurance professional and now a leader in Emotional Intelligence workshops. In October of 2020 she put out a call to her network for some help. She wanted to workshop her workshops and I really needed something to enhance my world view at the time. She explained that the way she teaches the workshop is to do some teaching and improv exercises to define the concepts.

Do you get the title of the post yet? If you’ve ever done improv, it’s likely you played the game “Yes, and..” where 2 people volley on an introductory statement, and can only respond with “Yes, and…”. When you type “Yes, and…” into Google, you get a lot of people thinking they are funny, but also articles on how the concept can change your thinking. As far as a definition of this concept from Wikipedia is: “Yes, and…”, also referred to as “Yes, and…” thinking, is a rule-of-thumb in improvisational comedy that suggests that a participant should accept what another participant has stated (“yes“) and then expand on that line of thinking (“and”).

If you’ve never tried the “Yes, and..”, call me, I’d love to show you how it works.

I’m telling you about this workshop because it helped me to be vulnerable, but also to see the world through a new lens. My ADHD and life circumstances have left me very closed off to others. “Yes, but…” had me so stuck. I was always expecting failure or that I’d say something ‘not smart’ and that has left me unwilling to be vulnerable. This is a very common thing for those of us who are diagnosed later in life. We have had so many years with the message that our thinking is wrong. Which also leads to a new concept to me, RSD, Rejection Sensitivity Syndrome. “If you only applied yourself, you’d get all A’s” “If you paid attention, you’d get much better grades.” “Why can’t you remember? I just told you.” “We just went over this, why can’t you just listen?” It wasn’t my fault that my brain wouldn’t work typically. I was the one experiencing the repercussions of it and they are painful. I had to figure out ways around and that included a lot of avoidance. I can’t disappoint people if I’m not around them. I can’t forget what you said if I don’t allow you close enough to speak to me. “Yes, I’d love to join you for that outing, but…I’m too afraid of making a fool out of myself because I’m distracted.”

In walks “Yes, And…” and Facebook ADHD support groups. I said to a friend just the other day. I’m unpacking my 30+ year old suitcase of feelings that aren’t serving me well. I’m going to repack this new suitcase I bought with only the things I need and that serve me. “Yes, and…” is a great tool for realizing what the baggage is and sorting it out. “Yes, I made this mistake and it’s ok. My brain needs to process what happened and how to move forward.” “Yes, I have been struggling , and now I have new tools.”

Learning can be fun! Thank you Mandi and the others who joined in to workshop the workshop. I appreciated being allowed to be vulnerable. It’s really opened my eyes to the possibilities “Yes, and…”