This whole finding my biological family experience has been surreal. I mean, clearly. I have always dreamed of what my ‘family’ was like. I was never sure what to expect. I know so many stories about my mom’s family. Origin stories of how we ended up in America, names, birthdays and some anecdotes about relationships. I know a lot about my dad’s mom’s family and their origin. I even had someone on Ancestry make corrections for me. He traced my lineage back to the 1400’s! All very cool stuff. This is my ancestry. My biology is different.
As I was putting all the pieces together and allowing them to sync in, my ADHD had me hyper-focused on funny things, mostly the close proximity we all were in throughout our lives. My aunt lived in the next town over from where I grew up. I probably developed her families film in the 90’s when I worked at Motophoto. Did I? How would I know? Do I remember thinking, “that women looks like my dad”? Probably, I actually thought that so often as a child. I even thought my best friends mom and my dad looked a lot alike and always wondered and hoped I could be part of their family.
My biological grandma lived in Enfield, CT. She raised her daughters there. She worked at Caldor. We generally went to the Caldor in Windsor where we lived, but I’m sure we also went to the store she worked in once or twice. She dyed her hair reddish. I cry when I think about how close our lives were. I loved going to the Enfield Mall once in a while. It was close enough, and it was not my regular mall, so had some appeal to it.
Knowing my biological grandfather lived about an hour from where my dad lives. They lived within an hour of each other for at least a year. My brother looks so much like the biological granddad and my dad. I wonder if my dad ever crossed paths with him or his children, he had 5, and he thought the resemblance was interesting. It’s just a small world when you know what links you to one another. It’s so big when you don’t.
There are so many things that I feel. I feel so disappointed I didn’t get to meet my grandparents. I get so sad knowing I was less than a year from the death of my biological grandma. Had my doubting my worth due to my ADHD and hesitancy to spend the money not been in the way, would she have met us? She also may have not wanted to meet us or share with her children. Very few people knew about my dad, thankfully the sister I connected with and her amazing husband knew and were willing to share.
When I finally met my dad’s maternal biological family it was pretty surreal. I was so anxious and so excited and feeling so worried that my ADHD wouldn’t let me remember anything. I didn’t want to take pictures, but I didn’t want to forget. When I got there, it was on the same street, only a few doors down, from my childhood friend, who I had visited about 4 years earlier. I had been that close when my grandma was alive. Was she there that same day?
While there are so many what if’s about what my life would have been like. I really do like where I am today. I like my family, quirks and all.
Where Does That Red Hair Come From? 