Q19: As you think through your own answers to these questions, what patterns or themes do you see?
I spy with my little eye, a lot of self loathing and discovery of my brain. Things sucked – move on. In my last post I spoke about how I needed to not dwell in the negative. I have been working on that by saying to myself, “My brain doesn’t work this way. How can I get this done another way?”
I used to say: “Way to go Michelson, that was dumb.” or something like that. I’d say I have improved. I get frustrated that I am this old and only figuring this out, but I do my best to be patient. After all, I’m neurodivergent, the wheels on my bus are square. MoMath figured out how to make a bike with square wheels to work and so will I.
Q20: Do you see any inconsistencies, contradictions, or conflicts in these themes? How might they be resolved?
Didn’t I just explain that. Ugh! I get so impatient and can’t give this type of question any depth. Let me break it into pieces.
Do you see any inconsistencies? Yes, I am. I am a walking, talking inconsistency. I would love love love to be able to be predictable and live in a space where I have a routine I can follow forever, alas, my brain isn’t working that way. I have managed to find routine and practicality in where I level my keys, by wallet and phone. When I don’t have pants with a back pocket – I have to have a bag of some kind or my phone will be lost on the regular that day. I know this about myself and I accept it as my truth, not a fault in my ability to be human.
Do you see any contradictions? Yes, I sometimes have to bang my head 15 times before I can learn. Sometimes it only takes me 5 times. Sometimes I just can’t be independent with it. There are so many reasons learning is different for me, and how I learn something new can go great once and not be the same the next time. I can forget my kids names – like not be able to recall the names I gave them for up to 10 seconds OR even just call them a completely different name and not even realize it. It’s terrible and embarrassing and it’s just the way I am.
Do you see any conflicts in these themes? Not today. Let’s check back another day – I could be filled with them.
They both rely on my neurodivergence being wholly inconsistent.
How might they be resolved? Patience and being kind to myself. Write it down and try to understand it. Maybe it will come back.
I also believe that I was raised to always find what is wrong in a situation instead of what is right or what is different.
Also, I finished this! I didn’t give it up. I did all 20 questions. That is an accomplishment.
Where Does That Red Hair Come From? 