“As you know, today is Mother’s Day. Not a card, or a phone call, but a lousy text message? The phone was obviously in your hand, you obviously dialed the number, but you chose to text and not speak to your mother on Mother’s Day. That’s so impersonal and really mean. I’m sure Seth called his mother this morning.
~person who claims to love me, sent at 11:28AM
I hope your children treat you a whole lot better than you treat your mother. Mom deserves better than that.”
As my kids might say: “Dah F$%k”.
I woke up early that morning, scrolled my phone, shot off a few text messages, opened my book and fell back asleep. I woke up around 11 (thank you family) and was eating my breakfast when this text came through. I yelled, “Are you fucking kidding me?!” And showed Seth. He saw how shook I was and said, “I haven’t called my mom.” And then let me rage yell and cry at him for a few minutes.
My relationship with my mom should be mine. How I interact with my mom, is up to me. This text was so hurtful and spiteful that I finally decided to share it with the people who tell me “really, I just don’t see that side of him.” As if my account of him can’t be true. Emotional abuse is a real thing. I have lived my life under the impression that I “just wasn’t applying myself”, I was “too sensitive”, and many other typical things that come along with undiagnosed ADHD. On top of all of those undiagnosed neurological disorder mistreatment, I also have parents that are complicated. For those who are unsure, parents do have a direct correlation to your self-esteem.
When I got this text, I looked at my phone and went to see all of the times my mom had called me in the last year. But that too is complicated as my sister is getting married and we are planning a party. I wanted to see when she called me, for me. So I tried to figure out how many times she called since I told her I had a hysterectomy and the conversation was about me and not the party:
Just typing that hurts my heart, especially since I really considered not telling her at all. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be disappointed like this, but also sort of expected it. So I thought about my daughter and how I would want to know about her. So I reached out when she returned from vacation to let her know I had the surgery on March 7.
I did get “a lousy text” asking how I was feeling, also 3 times. But lots of chat about my sister’s party. So that means 6 communication moments since I have my uterus, cervix, grapefruit-size fibroid, and fallopian tubes removed surgically. I was in bed for a week, home from work for 2 weeks and limited in my ability to do things for 8 weeks. During week 7, I got COVID, and I reported that as well. Only ever got “a lousy text”.
I have spent a lot of time thinking about my mom and our relationship and I’ve made the choice to stop calling and engaging. It has been hard, but also eye-opening. My mom says how much she loves me, but never calls. I’ve asked for her to call whenever she wants and I told her it feels nice to know she calls, even if I don’t answer. I don’t have missed calls, I have ‘lousy text’ messages.
Again, “Dah F$%k”. It’s not me, it’s you.
Where Does That Red Hair Come From? 